I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
