I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
