I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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