i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize