I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
