textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
