what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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