alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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