The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
