My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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