Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
