Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
