Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
