No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
