guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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