it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
