Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
