Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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