Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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