I am puke
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
