Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
