I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need to calm my uterus...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
