My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The air was thick with penises
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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