Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
