I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize