You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
