Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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