I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
