I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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