The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i've created a new STD.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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