Screwed.edu
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
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