we're chasing vodka with high fives
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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