Swine flu. Run for my life!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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