Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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