We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
