OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
The best revenge is premature balding
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
