im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
