Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
