you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
