well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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