yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't you send me to vm
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
