Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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