Sry I called you an 8
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Who died my cat blue again?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
