I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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