theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
