cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize