How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
