And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
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I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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