There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
