dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
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apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
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Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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