I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
