A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
