TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
