Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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