That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
