I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
