His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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