I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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