i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
