i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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