I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
