I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
