I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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