I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
