it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
