We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
