How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
